Get over overthinking!

Imagine to be on a roller coaster. As you move forward you enter a loop and now you are constantly encircling it. How do you feel? I would say nauseous and desperate to exit the loop. This is exactly what happens in life. Times when we hit the low are the times when we are in a loop. We keep on overthinking even though we are really nauseous at our own thoughts and extremely desperate to find a way to stop them. One thing you need to know is that we can never stop thinking. The day we stop thinking we are not humans anymore. It’s the greatest privilege to be able to think, something atleast. You cannot stop the rollercoaster while inside the loop. You have to move forward and that is the only way. Stopping or quiting is nothing but putting yourself into jeopardy. 

There are going to be bad days, real bad days. And they might stick with you for a while or more. You are going to feel upside down and you are going to feel that you won’t be able to ride any further, that you are going to be stuck forever in that loop. The truth is, that is not going to happen. You are gonna get a push which will take you ahead. You need to trust the process of life. If things get worse on their own then they get back together on their own, very naturally. 

When we are broken, the last thing we want to do is trust someone or something. It takes a great deal to trust. There are good people with bad intentions. But can we ever know what intention someone has? Maybe or maybe not. Don’t try to figure it out by pressuring yourself. You will know when the time comes. Just like how you trust all the people you have in your life. But when i say trust i don’t mean trusting someone else, i mean trusting your own self. The only person on earth who would know about your intentions is you. And if that is not the case then let go off anything that is driving your mind. Take the charge of your life. Trust your life. Life is unfair but then so is everything and everybody. If it wasn’t unfair you would have probably taken it for granted. What’s the point of living if life doesn’t scares a little shit out of you. 

So, to get past overthinking:

1. TRUST. Not others but yourself and the process of your life.

2. IGNORE. Not the people around you but that little voice inside your head that scares you or holds you from moving ahead. Everytime we decide to move on there is a part inside us which is afraid that we will end up getting hurt, again. Don’t listen to that voice and eventually it will get silenced.

3. GET BUSY. Leave no space for overthinking in your schedule. Do silly things that will occupy your time if you have nothing productive.

4. DEEP BREATHING TECHNIQUES. They definitely work to calm yourself down. 

What defines you?

When we encounter people in our life the first thing we are expected to do is introduce ourselves which is said to be the hardest thing to do. Now, it’s not because we don’t know ourselves but it’s because there are so many things we are comprised of that we cannot explain it in a nutshell. We are never in a nutshell, we are always in abundance. It’s like describing the smell of earth. You know its so pure that describing it would contaminate the feeling of it. 

This theory of self-description is what we know in our mind but what happens in public is we get lost. We know that we can never describe ourselves enough but we have to say something. So we end up describing the best of us in few words, few critical words, few words that define us in public, few words that we want the outside world to know about us. But you see, the few words are not what we are. They are a part of the whole. It’s just a preview of a an enigmatic movie which is you!

When people ask me about myself, my first instinct is always to say ,”Hey! My name is Tina and i am an introvert.” It’s because i want people to know that i am not further going to indulge into any kind of event where i entertain them with my special talent assuming introverts don’t entertain, not because they don’t have talent. I let this word ‘introvert’ define me everytime because of my very fear of judgements. It guards me from being vulnerable to this world. But nevertheless, i know that i am not just an introvert. Introvert is what i am to the people. It will never define who i am because i am more than that.

You are obviously not what you describe yourself in front of people because we are always cautious of our public image and our reputation when it comes to giving an introduction. It’s what we are taught. In an interview you are always expected to talk about yourself that flatters the interviewer. I always feel like a clown when it comes to being questioned in an interview of any sort. We have to perfom to impress. Ostentation has quite became the key to sell ourselves in order to sell our product. The point is:

1. Don’t let this public appearance of yours define who you are. 

2. You know who you are and anybody who says otherwise is oblivious. 

3. Don’t be scared for introducing the real you. There is no need to be ashamed.

4. First impressions never last. It’s perfectly fine to have a failed one.

5. You are not here to impress. Don’t confuse between impressing and expressing. It’s the latter you focus on.

6. What defines us is very subtle. Because we keep on learning and upgrading ourselves that everyday we change and we keep getting better. 

7. There is an inner strength in each one of us whether you are aware of it or not which helps us decide the flight or fight response.

Now you know that we are not our first impressions or what we introduce ourselves like because few words, few minutes and few people never define us.
                     

Narrator

We become the kind of person we read novels about and watch movies/series of. The way we see things is quite an outcome of how we comprehend our fictional lives. Being this person who lives a life more in fiction than reality, i always felt the way i comprehend things is very different than how people do. When you read lot of novels you kind of become this narrator which describes things in the way that the listener will also feel what you felt like when you were in the moment. Making the reader a spectator of your story is how you sell a great story. 

                      Aren’t we all the narrators of our own life? Then why is that we all view our life with the mediocre vision of boredom instead of an extraordinary exciting touch of our own fiction. It makes a lot of difference how we see things. Our life is our fiction but we don’t really narrate the way we should be. What happens in a good book or a good movie is what happens with us too. But it’s very unfortunate as to how we look at it. We are too busy focusing on what we should do more to achieve more and how to get better and better. It’s endless, you know, getting better is an endless journey. You can never convince yourself that you have finally became the person you always wanted to be. Because what ‘better’ means to us is always a step ahead from where is stand. We keep crying our entire life for the chances we missed, for never having enough. The thing is, we can never have enough of anything. Till the time infinity exist, we can never feel finite. We always want a little more and the little keeps getting bigger until it becomes a pile of huge trash. The trash of our lack of appreciation towards life. The trash which often becomes the reason for demotivation.
                    There is a difference, the difference between how we see things and how the same things are narrated in a novel/movie.

How we see:
A pen falls from my hand and the handsome guy sitting next to me picks it up.



How the novel says it:
I keep fidgeting with the pen and suddenly it slips from my hand, ends up on the ground. For fraction of moment i feel irritated until i see the handsome guy sitting next to me picking up the pen for me. I wonder what a gentleman he is! He hands over the pen to me and i smile sheepishly at him. Gratitude.

You see the difference? The difference of a little fictional vision. It is very must to have it, to feel a little more and better than our monotonous way of looking at things. I won’t suggest to feel the same way for every guy who picks up a pen for you, he might not be a gentleman but gratitude is always key to good relationships.

Things might not get better but your eyesight can definitely make a lot of difference. Comprehend things the way an author would do and your life will become the one you read about. Become the narrator who sells a good story, you are the protagonist, always.

Interrogating life.

There are days when i face emotional setbacks and i don’t know where to go. Today i was talking with my friends as to how far we have to go to end this suffering, how hard do we hold on and what do we hold on to? There was nothing we could come up with and we were all kind of frustrated and pretty much devastated about the situation we were into. Suddenly the car keys slips out of friend’s hand and ends up in a sewer. That was like the cherry on the cake! We were stuck in the middle of nowhere with our keys stuck in a little sewer and the openings were so narrow that we couldn’t put our hands into it. As a very frustrated human being, my friend started crying and questioning as to why everything in her life was falling apart, nothing was going right. We were analysing of what we could do to get out of this impossible situation. We were really hopeless but my friend (who lost her keys) was really desperate to get the keys out, so she tried her last shot and got herself a twig and started poking the keys to somehow lift it up. My other friend and me were quite confident as to why the twig thing was not helpful although we were supporting the act. A man stopped by us and noticed what we were doing and then he asked us what went wrong so we told him the story. He offered us help so we accepted that. He went pass by the tree and broke the thinnest twig and rolled the end into a knot that could fit the keychain of the keys. He inserted that into the sewer hole and after few attempts he managed to get our keys out. We were all taken aback! We started thanking him and he just kept murming ‘God is great’ and then he left. I was wondering that such people really restore my faith in humanity. A complete stranger helps us out of a situation we nearly thought as impossible. 

That was the moment when i realised that i got my answers to the questions i asked before. How far do we have to go to end the suffering? We have to go to as far as we can, as far as we get kicked in a curb full of dirt, as far as we have the strength to live the hard days. How hard do we hold on? We hold on until we don’t lift ourselves from the tragedy. What do we hold on to? We hold on to the possibilities our life offer to us because ‘God is great’. 

People we meet cross our paths for this very reason, they are nothing but a mere medium for answers. Life will revert back to your questions. Go look for your answers, my friend!

                 

Trust issue.

I am quite a hardcore believer of the fact that A private life is a happy life. Not that i don’t want to share things with people around me but i think there are certain pre-conditions of opening up to someone. The first question that always comes to my mind is How do i trust this person?

We all have faced such situation when we share something to someone and instantly regret. So when it comes to sharing the deepest secrets or stories of your past, the concern is the trust you invest in someone, that the person will remain faithful to you and will not use your secrets as a weapon against you to make you feel how miserable your life is. You already know how your life is, you just need a person to reassure you that things will get better, to make you realise your strength instead on fixating on your weaknesses. 

                   The panic trigger of spilling our beans is about our weakness. We are too afraid to expose our weak side to anybody. Therefore we always choose such a person who cares enough about us and the fact that the person gives a damn about how we feel. I don’t know how people started to behave with this ‘not giving a damn’ attitude to almost every situation in their life. We need to realise that certain things are crucial in our life and they need our attention. You cannot escape your responsibilties by saying that you don’t care. It is really hard to find someone who is mature enough to deal with what you have to say. Immaturity has become quite the trend. 

               Nevertheless, even if you open up to someone and you still feel insecured about it, just remember that you are still the person who gets to dictate the terms of life. The person who knows your story doesn’t become the protagonist of it. The person is still a spectator and you can always manipulate the script and take charge of your life. We all make mistakes and sometimes our mistake is choosing the wrong person to talk about our mistakes. Some people are going to make you feel worse about what you did and on the contrary some are going to cheer you up. But then the most powerful card you can play is self-realisation. 

                     If you are not the person who likes to share things with others and who believes into having a private life, find a way you can release your emotions into. You don’t have to wait for the right person to come along for things in your life to get better. You can start with doing what you like. We all are passionate about somethings or other. Human beings are quite the talented species i believe. You can write you emotions, you can play them, you can sing them, you can kick them and also you can cry them. And if one day you feel that it is very necessary to talk and let out your anger, sorrow and regret, i am sure there is someone in your life that you trust with your insecurities. That person will never judge you. All you gotta do is give a shot. If things go wrong then we are back again at becoming humans and commiting mistakes!

Influence

Constantly tormented between giving up and holding on. I wish life was as easy as we imagine it to be. Every step we take leading us to another, taking us higher, until we reach the door to our destination. But what happens when we realise that there is no such door and the steps were not taking us any higher but we were walking on the same surface, like running on a treadmill, reaching no where. So, in such a situation i wonder whether to look for steps that would lead me higher or to go back downstairs and look for some other path.

                     I don’t know how many people understand this but when we have two choices to make, there is no right or wrong. It’s all about taking chances. Every choice opens a different door, and none of the path collides with one another. Our choice making is so much dependent on the world that revolves around us. We always make an effort to be faithful to the world’s expectations about us that we end up making choices which are unfaithful to us. Everybody is going to tell you that “It’s your life and you get to decide what you want to do. We always have your back”. But the truth is more than half of them won’t be standing to their words when they realise you made a bad choice. Because whenever they say “You get to decide whatever you want”, there is always this assumption that you won’t screw up. Aren’t we all the ‘positive’ people who never hope for things to go wrong? When things go wrong, before making it right, we freak out and freak everybody else out too.  

Other than people freaking out on our bad decision making, the other reason of our influenced choices is appreciation. I’d lie if i say that appreciation doesn’t give me pleasure. It’s very crucial to be appreciated for whatever we do because it makes us realise a lot of things. How do we know that our passion is our passion? Appreciation. We always need somebody else to reassure that we are doing it right because we cannot be the critics of our life. The significance is very charming but also very addictive. We stop living for ourselves and everything we do, we do for others. We are so desperate to be appreciated and liked, it becomes the purpose of our life. Giving in to this temptation we really forget how far we’ve gone past the line of sobriety. The thing is, draw a line when you know where to stop, when you know you are sacrificing your authenticity. You have become nothing but a slave to the world’s expectations. Even though people matter a lot and they teach us many things, it’s not always necessary to do what they want us to do. You can choose what makes you happy because everybody else gets to choose their happiness too. It’s fair to do what satisfies us. You are not being unfaithful to others just because you are not fulfilling their expectations. You are just being faithful to yourself. It takes time for everyone to realise why you do what you do. They will be mad at you for a brief moment but not forever. The only way you give justice to your dreams is not letting them get influenced by the world. 

Intoxicated

Hate is said to be one of the powerful emotions a human feel. You know when we are in this state of hate, we really get consumed by it. We temporarily forget the good in us. We completely give us to it because somehow it makes us feel stronger and gives us a certain satisfaction which ‘holding on to love’ fails to give. When we hate we don’t really feel helpless anymore because hate opens the gate of violence. Now in this state of mind we think we are free to act aggressively because we are no more accountable to our guilty conscience. We become a complete different person. A person who has hatred in him will have only one answer to every question and only one reaction to every event, which is revenge. This energy that flows through you, this hate, it makes you less of human and more of demonic creature.

It’s all so fascinating in the beginning, giving yourself to the darker side of life but the truth is there is no life on the dark side. It’s just an endless remorse.

And once you get swallowed by that, you will never find an escape for your guilt. 

                   It feels so hard to keep looking for good in a person who made you suffer, to keep holding on and to keep hoping that someday your life will change too, that you deserve good days and a happy life. But who are we kidding to? We spend years hoping that, we spend years to see a shooting star so that we can finally wish for the one thing that we want but we never really get a chance. This all is little too unacceptable for a soul but what choice do we have? 

             They say the choices we make in our life, makes our life.

 So, when the ruptured soul becomes too tired of waiting for a shooting star, the only thing he sees in the sky is flames of exasperation. We give in to hate because it gives us a reason to live. Hate is a lighter toxic than the reason to hate. Sweetest poison, isn’t it? But no matter how sweet it is, it’s still the posion which kills you slowly without you realising it.

                    It’s so twisted, to justify hate but choose to refuse it. 

We have all reasons to hate but what after that? Does hate gives you the life you wish from a shooting star? No, it doesn’t. When you had the faith in humanity, did you hoped for a life where no good exist? Hate might satisfy your thirst for revenge but it will never fulfill the thirst for love. Don’t you forget that all you wanted before hate was love. 

                     Don’t let the evil inside you overpower your will to see the good in the world. We tend to shut our eyes when we are afraid. Maybe it’s time to open them and see how life balances out everything.