I have gone too far
Pretending everything to be fine
Now there is no turning back
I am far past the line
My heart is heavy
And my mind is sappy
But who do i tell?
For them, i am happy
I have so much to speak
But not what you want to hear
If only you could listen
What i don’t say, my dear.
If i fail to endure,
Just remember i tried.
Not enough to be called a survivor
But enough to be called a warrior.
It’s at night
When my heart aches the most
Yes, i can feel every inch of the pain
Radiating in my nerves
Touching those remote corners
I’ve lately been aquainted to;
It’s not until the wave hits me
That i become aware of my breathing
It starts off heavy
Getting shallow as the reality sink
When my eyes stink
Letting go off the memories
Until it finally ceases
Putting me to sleep
And just when i feel so dead
I wake up with the dread
Wondering was it tears or sweat
That made my pillow so awfully wet.
So i have been told
I will suffer until i am bold,
I try to heal my cuts
Forcing caffiene in my guts,
If only i’d knew
My penance was overdue,
Would have never asked for a day
Only with the night i’d stay
Chasing reasons for my pain,
Breaking the endless chain
Of laughter and tears,
And my magnificent fears.
When the pain feels like pleasure and you want your heart to ache some more.
When you want to cry your heart out yet you decide to ignore.
When it gets hard to breathe feeling confined in those desperate thoughts.
When all you thought was tying heart to heart knots.
When times were so you felt dreamy and delirious.
When you realised you were only being needy and oblivious.
When you loved so much to give away the hate.
When you closed your eyes feeling tired enough to wait.
When the world was spinning but only one picture stood still.
When he held her hands yet against your will.
When you died a million times inside your mind.
When your soul wanted love, the hopeless kind.
When his happiness gave you a purpose to shine.
When in parellel universe you confessed him, “you are mine.”