We all fear judgements, well atleast most of us do. There is this voice inside us which tries to be a counsellor and rationalize our fear by analyzing things to make us aware of the fact that our fear is unreal, that we need not be scared because what our head has created doesn’t exist in reality. But how long does the counselling effect stays with us? Also, how often do we listen to this voice?
There are times when our weakest emotion overpower our strong will. Ironic much. It is justified because we cannot be strong every second of our life. Infact one must know what weakness feels like in order to distinguish what strength feels like. Weakness is nothing but feeling helpless. There is this fine line which our mind crosses while analysing the logic behind our fears. And when that happens we actually become the person we are scared of.
For instance, when we are scared of judgements we actually remind ourselves of every possible judgement anyone can pass on us in that particular time period. Now that our mind knows the extent of humiliation that may potentially exist, we believe it to be happening even when we truly don’t know what is going inside other person’s head. We go past the point of analysing to the extent that we convince ourselves with the worst outcome in the best possible way. Another irony. What truly happens is, we judge our own self. We become the judgemental person we are scared of.
It doesn’t take much for the counsellor inside us to perform the ‘out of body’ function of becoming a self-critic which only offers negative criticism. There is no trick about how to stop thinking because the harder you try not to, the more it grows on you. You can read numerous articles and try numerous things but it will only work if you want it to. Not easy as it sounds. Because ofcourse why won’t a person want to feel better? That is what you think. But certainly not your unconscious. Our mind is so desperate to get better, to stop overthinking, that it becomes so foggy with all the things we do to make it calm. We take so many efforts all at once that none of it works out and then we feel bad because the outcome is pretty undesirable. This eventually leads to losing all the hopes to get better.
You don’t have to worry about anything. And certainly not about why you can’t stop worrying. Calm is not an easy act to pull off. But all you got to know is it’s effortless. No one can teach you how to be calm because it’s something only we can achieve on our own. It’s when you are weak that you have the best opportunity to become a calm person because we are the most desperate in our weak times. We are desperate to become strong and that is where our strength lies. And you won’t even realise how naturally you will emerge as a stronger human being when you stop punishing yourself by pushing harder for faster and effective results. You are never powerless because your mind can think what you want it to think. It can be your best critic if you want it to be. It’s all natural. It’s all inside you. Just breathe and be.
There are so many times when we feel completely helpless, like we want to act on the situation but there is something which is holding us back. Might as well that something is your belief that whatever you are going to do is of no use, you have lost the control over the situation. Everytime we think of an action we always think about it’s consequence and every action has a different outcome but when i talk about being helpless, the one thing that comes to my mind is the consequence is ultimate. That is what helpless feels like, no matter how many different actions you take, the outcome is going to be the same. So when you know that nothing good comes from your efforts you just sit back and take time to absorb the reality. As hard it is for you to take in the information and living with your helplessness, for as long as it continues, it is equally hard for people around you to accept the truth.
People often mistake ‘being practical’ as ‘being pessimistic’. When i am in such situation where i know it’s not happening the way it should be, i choose to take a pause to realise that i need a different approach to deal with this. So, everybody needs there own ‘good time’ to realise how to deal with a situation. The good time always vary and it’s relative as to how comfortable you are with your approach. Meanwhile, people around you are going to tell you that it’s a negative approach because to the world it may seem like you are giving up. The world we live in has a habit to see things constantly moving, when there is a pause they think something is wrong. The thing is, do not waste your time in explaining the world about the steps you are going to take, instead work on the execution of your masterplan. There is always a master plan and you are the master.
We are so used to going through other people to convince our own self that whenever we as an individual think of something, we always need an affirmation from someone we are close to. Just to make sure we are doing it right and incase we fall there is always someone to have our back. The problem is we don’t trust ourselves enough to execute something without a heads up from someone else. As much as you are unaware of your future, everybody else is too.
If what you want is going in a wrong way or is not going in any way at all, just take a pause to realise, to update yourself with the facts of the situation. Your potential is always constant, you just need a different approach. If one approach doesn’t work then there are infinite such approaches. Taking time doesn’t mean giving up. A pause can always be played. Don’t feel competitive that people around you are moving forward and on the contrary you are stuck. Comparison is always going to make you feel sick because you are too modest to accept your greatness. The people around you are exploring their path and you are exploring yours and since the two paths are different, the time to reach your destination is obviously going to differ. There is no need to justify someone as long as you know what you are doing. Have faith in yourself. Don’t let anything else consume your will power to become what you want. No consequence is ultimate as long as future is unpredictable.
We keep searching for the one thing that gives us hope of optimism. But sometimes, we run out of that hope, the kind of positivity we look for. That is the time when our facts are replaced by fears. We start to fear because we don’t find a reason not to. You know what, Fear sells. It traumatizes you and makes you feel guilty even without commiting a mistake. Its tears you apart and suddenly you feel that the world is falling. Devastating hallucination seems to be coming true. But the real truth is that its all in your head. Your mind destroys your inner peace.
So, here is a piece of advice, Destroy what destroys you. Yes, destroy your worst fears. The only thing that can bring you down is your fear for that thing and not the thing in particular. Fear doesn’t shuts you down, it wakes you up. If you know how to control your fear and use it as your strength, you will definitely become a stronger person and there will be no guilt. There will be peace and an incredible willpower. We all need that, don’t we?
Just like being blindfolded and asked to shoot someone on his head not necessarily concludes that you will have an headshot , there are more chances of it to be vague and out of order. Same way, you are vague thinker and your thoughts can be too out of facts to be true. You are just being blindfolded by fear. Fear is just a concept and not reality. Once you face it you will get to see the real picture. You control your fears instead of letting it control you.
Everybody’s life seems so perfect to us. Like there is no disturbance but peace. They seem happy, they feel happy. You can feel their positive vibes. But when you look at yourself as an outsider you don’t feel the same. There is something depressing about your vibes. There is something wrong with you, anybody could make out that.
There is not much difference in you and the other person. Its just that they fake it better than you while you are just making it obvious enough to show your pain. When you show your pain, there is nothing left in you. You are sort of exposed. Because somehow our life revolves around our pains. We suffer but we evolve through it. This process is what defines us and if you let everybody see through your pain, you are letting them to hurt you. Their opinions will start to matter you because everything you’ve ever had is known to them. Its not about keeping secrets but about how well you can take control of your feelings and not letting them ruin your happiness.
Nobody escapes from suffering. So then why we feel someone’s life is more happening than us? Because what we call problems are not really problems to them. They look at the bigger picture. They have patience, they have control. When we learn to control how not to feel too much of our pain is when our mind and heart meet. We need to be logical and not emotional everytime. Emotion is a trap nobody can escape, very hard to detangle those threads of relations when you so much into figuring out if your feelings will ever reciprocate.
We need to learn how to survive and not why to survive.
At every walk life gives us certain indication of our wrong doings. An indication to change or maybe a chance as forgiveness. Sometimes we notice but overlook not knowing how far would the impact be. Whereas sometimes its too late to realise that we were being notified. Our mind is a road map. We get every indications on every route that we take but we tend to ignore and just speed up instead and soon that we come to know its only the speed that gets us into trouble at the end. Speed being the level of confidence, if its low you reach nowhere but if its high you know its gonna kill you at the end.
We are just too busy to figure out how things happen than to realise why things happen. The significance of understanding the ‘why’ factor of happening is coming to know what was your consequential role in the story. We are aware of things happening to us but never really try to figure the real reason. We go for temporary fixing options when we can actually fix it permanently, just a little focus on being practical and not emotional .
You are the hero of your story and everybody else is playing a side role. Just like you are being casted a side role in their stories. While everybody else is trying to fix their wrong doings, they never look after what you did wrong. We are humans and not robots, we commit mistakes and we try to fix them. So why is that you think people remember what you did wrong while they are trying to fix what they did wrong? Nobody cares. Do you remember what someone else did wrong prioritized to what you did wrong? I believe the answer is a no. Everybody thinks about themselves at most points of their life.
Wherein that you get an indication, maybe its a way to tell you to stop and divert to what’s crucial at that point of time. Like an alarm which you can ignore for a while but you know your sound sleep is no more a sound one until you switch it off and well, wake up! Switch the indication off, Wake up from your wrong doings. Don’t go for it when you know you are chasing dead end.