(Un)Faithful

Do people mean what they say when they say it? Do they continue to mean it? These questions can only be answered when people actually understand what they are saying. Most of us don’t. We don’t know what we are talking about. We just say it because it sounds most likely in the given time. We don’t feel accountable to those words. We say it because it feels good, it feels right. And who doesn’t like to be good and right?

People change. They are different the second time you meet them. They change everyday. They learn new things, unlearn old ones. We want others to stay the same because we have developed this comfort zone with their old self and we call their old self as their original one because that is the part of them we are friends with .’Original’ is something that never fades out i’ve heard. ‘Original’ is real i’ve heard. So when we change, do we become fake? Are we not real enough?

Well, we are real, as real as we can get. But we are not faithful, not enough to stick to our own words, to stick to our old self. We can never explain why we change because we cannot make someone else learn and unlearn what we did. Their life has a different meaning, they are not supposed to change the same way we did. That is why no one understands why we changed because they don’t have to.

So, we are real but unfaithful. And just to balance out the faith we become unreal so many times. We compromise, we try to be the same, we try to be what other people want us to be and that definitely makes us fake but we don’t care because we put faith first even if it comes at the cost of our new reality.

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Black hole.

The thing about old toys and humans is that you have to let them go when the time comes. Not because they have worn out, not because you stop loving them, but because you have to grow up.

I like being a child. I can be a child forever. It’s like being a child gives you this advantage of commiting a mistake under the name of experience. You are learning and so you will commit a mistake and that is all right until you feel guilty and improvise. But being an adult is like aiming for perfection. You cannot afford to commit a mistake. Being adult is like being on a full time probation. You are always being watched over. Your karma is all set to ruin you once you do something wrong. I know that karma works otherwise as well, even when we are young. But the damage done in adulthood feels irrepairable. It’s like you feel too much pain and there is no remedy that can heal you. There is this part of being mature, we tend to understand things better. We understand our feelings better, the bad ones too.

When you are a kid, crying is a way of getting things done. You cry and you get what you want because no one wants to see you getting hurt. No one wants you to suffer. They want you believe that you will get whatever you yearn for, that nothing is impossible to get. They lie. They teach us to live in denial. And right after reality hit us, we realise that we don’t get everything we want. We cannot have what we cry for. Infact that is why we cry for the most because we realise we don’t have the kind of control over life that we once anticipated.

This transition from childhood to adulthood is like going through a black hole. Your old self disappears without a trace and you keep searching for it endlessly. It’s an entire different universe. You cannot survive in it unless you unlearn. Unlearn things that contradicts with this universe.

It takes power to absorb reality. Power lies in control, and the only control we can have is on our self.

Self control makes us the master of our life. But that is only the partial truth. Because if there is a master, there is a slave. And if we are the master then we must not forget it makes us the slave as well. Slaves to self-pity. Pity of not being able to control ourselves and our life. Perhaps why we feel so powerless sometimes, when our slave-self takes over the master. We become slaves to our own world of control and power. And it’s all too dark. Just like the black hole.

Let us not pity ourselves. Let us not become slaves to our self pity.

Contradiction

Don’t care.

I believe this is the advice people offer confidently and, in abundance. You must have heard these powerful words ringing in your ears or infact you must be the person saying it often. They do magic, be it for some fraction of time until it’s effect diminishes, but they work most definitely. I am not denying what these words can do. But i believe the way people percieve it, is contradicting in certain ways.

You don’t want to care but you want people to care about you, you want to be heard and considered. How do you think that is going to happen if you enforce not caring about people and their thoughts? You feel offended about someone’s opinion and you declare that the person is not worth caring about. Have you imagined how many people think the same about you, have you realised how many people have you offended? It’s endless you know, you do that to others and others do it to you and then you wonder why you have less friends, you wonder why people have become selfish but you never wonder that you are one of those people. There are times we feel lonely even when we are surrounded with crowd and it’s a terrible, terrible feeling. You know why? Because when you realise that people don’t care about you, about who you are, you feel extremely worthless and left out.

The truth is, we have failed to distinguished when to care and when to not. We have completely restricted ourselves to who we care for because we are afraid we will get hurt. You can care and still not get hurt. And that is possible if you care unconditionally, without expecting the other person to care back. No, you will not be a loser if you give a damn. You will be one of those people who make the world a better place to live. You will certainly redefine generosity. Just imagine if someone does that for you. Now would you want to do the same for someone else?

Living in the head.

Some questions are always left unanswered. The questions as to when will we stop suffering? Questions as to why me? Questions as to will things ever fall into place? Nobody knows and nobody ever will. But don’t we all spend the maximum time and effort behind thinking about them? 

Not always in life do we have this ‘try me’ attitude instead of ‘why me?’. Sometimes we are so tired and exhausted that even if we are ready to fight back, we just don’t have the energy to do it, physically and mentally both. We just stay there in the moment, completely absorbed by the darkness, mourning the demise of our hopes. We are always taught to keep our hopes as high as possible and there is nothing wrong in it. But you see the problem is when the high hope comes crashing down with enormous velocity and kills itself, much like a suicide. It’s like the high the hope, the deep the pain. While all this is happening inside your head, the world is totally unaware and least bothered to be aware in most cases. 

 Imagine a city where all it’s people are slowly killing themselves. Imagine what it must be to be in there, witnessing all the dead bodies. Dreadful, isn’t it? The city is nothing but your head. This is what it is like to feel depressed, all the hopes inside you commiting suicide. Now honestly, would you live in such a city, inhaling the air of deceased? The answer is obviously not! 

Everybody wants to live in a habitat which gives positive vibes and has healthy environment. We live in our head all day. It’s our natural habitat. So why don’t we make it a happy and comfortable place for us and our hopes to survive. Let’s just ease out and free ourselves from the slavery of desperation. Desperation of finding answers to questions which we might never get the answers to. And even if you get the answers it won’t make much difference because that is not what is takes to go through your suffering. It takes positivity and strength. Everything begans at home and our first home is our head. Let us realise the importance of keeping our head positive and healthy, it won’t take much but will definitely give you a lot.

Image source: Google
Don’t let the high hopes take you down.                 Image source: Google

Influence

Constantly tormented between giving up and holding on. I wish life was as easy as we imagine it to be. Every step we take leading us to another, taking us higher, until we reach the door to our destination. But what happens when we realise that there is no such door and the steps were not taking us any higher but we were walking on the same surface, like running on a treadmill, reaching no where. So, in such a situation i wonder whether to look for steps that would lead me higher or to go back downstairs and look for some other path.

                     I don’t know how many people understand this but when we have two choices to make, there is no right or wrong. It’s all about taking chances. Every choice opens a different door, and none of the path collides with one another. Our choice making is so much dependent on the world that revolves around us. We always make an effort to be faithful to the world’s expectations about us that we end up making choices which are unfaithful to us. Everybody is going to tell you that “It’s your life and you get to decide what you want to do. We always have your back”. But the truth is more than half of them won’t be standing to their words when they realise you made a bad choice. Because whenever they say “You get to decide whatever you want”, there is always this assumption that you won’t screw up. Aren’t we all the ‘positive’ people who never hope for things to go wrong? When things go wrong, before making it right, we freak out and freak everybody else out too.  

Other than people freaking out on our bad decision making, the other reason of our influenced choices is appreciation. I’d lie if i say that appreciation doesn’t give me pleasure. It’s very crucial to be appreciated for whatever we do because it makes us realise a lot of things. How do we know that our passion is our passion? Appreciation. We always need somebody else to reassure that we are doing it right because we cannot be the critics of our life. The significance is very charming but also very addictive. We stop living for ourselves and everything we do, we do for others. We are so desperate to be appreciated and liked, it becomes the purpose of our life. Giving in to this temptation we really forget how far we’ve gone past the line of sobriety. The thing is, draw a line when you know where to stop, when you know you are sacrificing your authenticity. You have become nothing but a slave to the world’s expectations. Even though people matter a lot and they teach us many things, it’s not always necessary to do what they want us to do. You can choose what makes you happy because everybody else gets to choose their happiness too. It’s fair to do what satisfies us. You are not being unfaithful to others just because you are not fulfilling their expectations. You are just being faithful to yourself. It takes time for everyone to realise why you do what you do. They will be mad at you for a brief moment but not forever. The only way you give justice to your dreams is not letting them get influenced by the world. 

The road map.

At every walk life gives us certain indication of our wrong doings. An indication to change or maybe a chance as forgiveness. Sometimes we notice but overlook not knowing how far would the impact be. Whereas sometimes its too late to realise that we were being notified. Our mind is a road map. We get every indications on every route that we take but we tend to ignore and just speed up instead and soon that we come to know its only the speed that gets us into trouble at the end. Speed being the level of confidence, if its low you reach nowhere but if its high you know its gonna kill you at the end.
              We are just too busy to figure out how things happen than to realise why things happen. The significance of understanding the ‘why’ factor of happening is coming to know what was your consequential role in the story. We are aware of things happening to us but never really try to figure the real reason. We go for temporary fixing options when we can actually fix it permanently, just a little focus on being practical and not emotional .
                    You are the hero of your story and everybody else is playing a side role. Just like you are being casted a side role in their stories. While everybody else is trying to fix their wrong doings, they never look after what you did wrong. We are humans and not robots, we commit mistakes and we try to fix them. So why is that you think people remember what you did wrong while they are trying to fix what they did wrong? Nobody cares. Do you remember what someone else did wrong prioritized to what you did wrong? I believe the answer is a no. Everybody thinks about themselves at most points of their life.
           Wherein that you get an indication, maybe its a way to tell you to stop and divert to what’s crucial at that point of time. Like an alarm which you can ignore for a while but you know your sound sleep is no more a sound one until you switch it off and well, wake up! Switch the indication off, Wake up from your wrong doings. Don’t go for it when you know you are chasing dead end.

Saying it out LOUD.

Have you ever wondered, that sometimes you say too much to a person whereas sometimes, very less. We don’t know what to say to what person, how much to say. Its all on the trust and the time being. You trust a person and you speak your heart out. And there are times, or rather people whom you do trust but not for your words. Some people get hurt, some people don’t, some people are good at keeping secrets but some don’t, some gives you attention and some don’t! I think it all comes down to the point of how much the person is interested  in you. How much of attention do you get from that person. You never get what you want, do you?
                    I don’t know why is that, the person you want the most to be with is nowhere near you and you are with people you never thought you’d be with. Its like missing a person you have never been with. Ironic much. While you wanted to pour your thoughts to that one person, you pour your thoughts out loud to someone else.. to someone who is with you at that moment. It matters the most, who is with you and who is not. No matter how much you want that person to be with but when it comes to saying things out loud, you say it to the one who right next to you. You don’t care who the person is. You just want to share your thoughts, you just want a shoulder to cry on. Then why do you fear to reciprocate the attention the person gave you on whose shoulder you cried on. Why does the someone else that you wanted bothers the someone else that you have. Its very important to realise that the ones you have are far more precious than the one you cannot have. Because they can also be with someone else but they chose you over the one they could have had. How subjective is giving attention to someone? How subjective is craving attention from someone?

The change

People change, so do you. There is no big deal in changing yourself and sometimes you cannot help changes. Like there is a point in your life where being the same won’t let you live the way you want to. When people say you’ve changed, well then yes, you have, so what? Its your life and you have changed for your own good. Nothing can stop you from making your life better.
                Sometimes changes are genuine. There are phases in your life which change you from the person you are. And not always that these thing are dragging you down. Lets just put it in this way, maybe it was meant to happen. Maybe things happen for a reason and you change. Maybe the universe wanted you to change for some good reason.
                You cannot explain every person why you changed when you yourself are trying to figure out what’s going on in your life. If the person knows you, well then he won’t say why you’ve changed rather he will accept you that way. Stop getting along when people say ‘the old you was a better one’. Like, definitely the old one was a better one but so is the new. What if you would have changed the other way round? The people would have said the same thing. People like you when you keep doing thing for them. They stop liking you when you don’t, and then they think you’ve changed.
There is so much more to life than just pleasing people to like you. You meet people in every walk of your life, different people with different opinions. But at the end of the day, there are just opinions and not facts.

Catch up while the rush is on!

All our life what we do is keep rushing. Rushing to achieve things, bigger things. And probably that’s what we are gonna continue doing. We rush every morning to attend our class, we rush to have fun, we rush to make friends, we rush to fall in love,we rush to gain someone’s trust, we rush for every thing that makes us happy. But when we get those things, we want that moment to be slow, so that you could feel every percent of happiness in you. You don’t want to leave that moment. We want everything real quick, but after that we get it, wewant it to be somewhat like paused for a while. Like fast forwarding till the part where it gets perfect and once that it gets perfect, you are lost in it.
               But in reality its reverse, it takes time to make the moment perfect and when it gets perfect time flew so fast that you don’t realise. And nothing can stay forever. It takes alot from you but gives you little. But instead of measuring how much do you give and get you can actually start living for your next perfect moment. Because it not only the destination but the journey that counts too. If you never had a journey, never had the rush to gain something, you never really had a life. Life is a rush, its the death which is stable. Have you ever felt that your life is stable ever since you were born? I suppose not. Keep the stable for when you are not alive anymore. And don’t think why me? Its not only you, it happens with everybody.
                    So, you need to catch up every opportunity while rush is on. When i mean rush, i mean till the time you are alive. Do things you ever wanted because you  don’t want to regret that you never did that, right? And regrets are painful. You don’t need that negativity in you life when you have real stuff to deal with.